Matt Damon is probably one of the most normal people in Hollywood.There are never any salacious tabloid stories about him, he married a former bartender, and he walks his daughters to school just like other, non-famous dads.WASHINGTON—Urging the assembled reporters to move things along, White House Press Secretary Sean Spicer announced at a press conference Thursday that there was only enough time left in his career for a couple more questions.With the White House mired in controversy, comparisons to Washington’s most famous scandal have been common, if not always accurate.WASHINGTON—Overwhelmed by the outpouring of support from the public, the National Trust for Historic Preservation reported Wednesday that it had raised more than million in just three days to demolish President Trump’s boyhood home in Queens, NY. I suppose it will help her keep up with her two kids, as well. That's right, the man who gets millions of women's hearts pumping weekday mornings tied the knot over the weekend to a pretty model.
WASHINGTON—Expressing profound confusion and distress at what they were witnessing, the U. populace was unable to discern why an unattractive woman was suddenly on screen in front of them, sources reported Thursday. I never was very good at French.) The hunky Hollywood star has been spotted around town squiring none other than that gorgeous "Policewoman" Angie Dickinson! Does this mean we'll see more people turning to this truly loco form of locomotion? Good luck to John Glenn, who at age 83 is returning to outer space for the first time since 1983's The Right Stuff. If you were hoping to snag Matt for yourself, you'll just have to keep your fingers crossed for a bitter divorce down the road! He has been in nine celebrity relationships averaging approximately 3.6 years each. FOXBOROUGH, MA—Calling the procedures the first steps toward building a championship team, New England Patriots head coach Bill Belichick reportedly reminded players Monday that they are expected to attend all offseason team experiments.WASHINGTON—His heart racing in terror as he struggled to breathe, Vice President Mike Pence was reportedly flooded with panic Thursday before he realized the hand resting on his knee during a conference at the White House was his own.NEW YORK—Saying they were elated with the number of people who took time out of their day to relieve themselves for a good cause, officials at the Yellow Cross announced Wednesday that the organization received a record 10,000 liters of urine during its annual spring donation drive. Talk-show hostess, actress, brassy comedienne and all-around wonder woman Rosie O'Donnell has taken up a new hobby.... One of my more reliable sources informs me that Rosie has decided the strange-looking rollerskates are just the thing she needs to stay fit and have fun, too. Sorry, ladies, but hunky Today Show host Matt Lauer is now spoken for!EWING, NJ—Hailing the product as the most effective means of removing unwanted body hair, the makers of Nair introduced a new incendiary oil Friday specially formulated to produce a controlled burn in the bikini area.EVANSTON, IL—Describing it as one of the most powerful trends driving markets nationwide, a new report released Thursday by the Northwestern University Department of Economics found that children getting their parents off their back now accounts for 38 percent of all economic growth.If you're questioning how he gets such beautiful girls than you must be oblivious to all the Matt Damon movies that kill it at the box office.He's a great actor in a lot of great movies, isn't that explanation of enough for hooking up with beautiful women? It's a sad world, don't you wish you were Matt Damon?LOS ANGELES—Signaling a dramatic shift in public opinion, a new report released Monday by the Entertainment Research Council revealed that more Americans than ever are willing to accept a female Wonder Woman.BROOKLINE, MA—Chomping at the bit to twist the benign statement into an absolutely terrifying image, the subconscious of local man David Vanwell reportedly couldn’t wait Monday to turn an offhand remark by his boss into a dream about a drowning horse.