One of the most common temptations people fall for when a relationship is ending is the desire to find a new love - Often these people have been unhappy and missing love, companionship and sex for a longtime, and so there's a real pent-up, unmet need for love.Since I counsel men and women before, during and after a relationship or marriage, including through a divorce, I frequently see people dating when separated.What I’ve noticed is that no woman seems to want to touch me with a 10 foot pole because I’m ‘separated.’ My divorce is pending and will be finalized in September (it’s written better in the profile).One woman proceeded to tell me “recently divorced people are somewhat unstable emotionally”.I wouldn’t fear being exclusive with the right person.I don’t have a wide network of people where I live, so I’m online.My divorce is amicable and I maintain a good relationship with my ex.There’s no love there though, we’ve clearly moved on. I have my stuff together…own my own place, pursuing an MBA, good job, do the best for my kids, and I’m in a good place right now.
Ben also separated from his wife two years ago (yet another thing we have in common), but neither he nor his wife filed.People often wonder about dating someone who is separated—not officially divorced. I have been separated for over a year, with young kids I have half the time. Read this email I received from a reader who is having problems in online dating because he is separated–not officially divorced.I am divorced and have been for two years and am of the opinion that there is too much other stuff going on in one’s life during a divorce to date, as well.Also, it seems that about 40% of the men who state they are divorced are actually still going through the process. That stated, I have come up to some heavy objection from both family and friends – hence I’m here.And you might think that means his divorce will be smooth, simple, and unemotional. You will have opinions about how things are or are not getting resolved at times – and that’s also understandable.But there’s nothing like a not-yet-ex finding someone new to make the person who wanted the divorce in the first place have second thoughts about splitting up. As a result, your fun, new relationship with Ben will get bumped and bruised in the process of Ben’s divorce.Do you advise your clients to take the date or run as quick as possible?Any advice would be wonderful- thanks in advance for your response! You see, I separated from my ex two years ago, and our divorce was final about eight months later.Simply put, dating has a zero percent chance of making a divorce go smoother, and a bazillion percent chance of making it more contentious. I get that Ben has been separated for a couple of years, and that it was his wife’s decision to move out. Ben will be preoccupied with the twists and turns of his divorce at times – and that’s understandable.