Use of this material for reasons other than academic research is allowed only with my express permission obtainable by email: robin @ cybersoc . All materials here may be used for academic purposes, but I do ask that you obtain permission before disseminating copies or quoting extensively from any of my work.I met all sorts of people, from all over the world, older and younger, and each seemingly as desperate for a true connection as I. Should I be blaming my mother, or my – mostly absent – father for feeling that something was eternally missing? I was born to a woman that didn't much want children, and who fell foul to postnatal depression a good couple of decades before the term was even coined.And for a while at least, it all felt harmless and innocent, and fun. My father leaving didn't help, and for the first six months of my life I was placed with a notional "auntie", a family friend who became my surrogate mother throughout my childhood.The typical affair used to start in the office and move to a seedy motel room, but the vast reach of the Internet has brought infidelity into many couples’ homes over the past decade.The growth in steamy chat room conversations and cybersex also has triggered a rethinking of the meaning of infidelity.
“That is starting to even out in part because of the equality of opportunity that the Internet brings to everybody,” she says.
There were redundancy problems at work; my marriage was showing strains; and there was something large and unnameable missing from my life.
I ignored it until I could do so no longer, until eventually, for what felt like the sake of my sanity, I resolved to do something about it.
They discovered that their time on the Internet pursuing sex was consuming a significant chunk of their work time, distracting them from other activities, and pushing out, for lack of time or interest, existing relationships or new relationships. Before we explore the underlying causes of on-line sex addition, it will be helpful to define some of the terms that are currently being used in discussing this subject.
The term, cybersex, or on-line sex, usually refers to: viewing pornography, downloading sexually explicit materials, e-mail or chat room conversations involving sex, phone sex or masturbation while involved in the activities just listed, and sex with people met on the Internet.
A late arrival into the world of social media, I nevertheless embraced it as a kind of escape.
While my husband spent most evenings catching up on the horse racing he'd recorded over the weekend, I began perusing chatrooms – not in pursuit of cybersex necessarily, but initially more for harmless flirtation, a little virtual attention.
While men traditionally have been the more unfaithful sex, gender roles are reversing in some cases as more women experience cybersex.
“I think there is this bias that women don’t cheat for sexual reasons at all,” Hertlein says.
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